hqholiday-deactivated20170206:

send “i need you” for a drabble about five times our muses depended on each other.

i.

he didn’t flinch when elwood’s fingertips matched up with the bruises that marred the once porcelain skin of his throat. it was genuine curiousity on the other male’s part – he got permission. it was more of a silent question and caspar watched him with wide, glassy eyes as they laid there. he was in a daze, but nodded, regardless. his breathing hitched and he closed his eyes. he needed that. elwood brought him back down – anchoured him from the cloud he was hanging off of. he needed that, he clung to that. he swallowed thickly, the muscle pressing into elwood’s fingertips as they pressed ever so gently. it wasn’t enough to make him dizzy, but he felt dizzy, anyway. his cheeks were pink and he turned over onto his side and pressed his face into the other male’s shoulder. “needed that.” was all he said before he drifted off to sleep. he depended on the other for the safety he felt to his bones.

ii.

maybe he doesn’t need him. caspar does notice the cold look in the other’s eyes and he wonders if this is just something he does – he makes people think he cares and then rips it out from beneath him. the words are like a punch to his gut and his teeth digging into the swollen flesh of his bottom lip. he refuses to let his cerulean gaze blur because he thinks he sees elwood’s features soften as his own shoulders slump. he’s used to the disappointment and the feeling of loss because that’s what this feels like, this feels like loss. he just nods his head and stands up because he’s not wanted here and elwood doesn’t need him. he’s a disgusting human being and elwood’s finally figured that out – he’s so tainted. his throat burns and he tries to walk away, to be anywhere but there, but trembling fingers are wrapped around his wrist and he can hear the crack – the broken tone in the other’s voice that turns the pit of his stomach because elwood DOES need him, but he’s got others he could need more. because caspar doesn’t usually stick around. he makes himself scarce and he feels a tug on his arm before he’s being pulled down onto the male’s lap and arms are tight as he’s letting himself be held because he’s an anchour to bring him back and maybe he does need him.

iii.

he’s back and his vision is spotty. he sways a little and he can hear his voice, but it’s so far away. he did something bad, “i was a bad boy…” he whimpers as elwood’s arms keep him upright. lips are pressed to his temple and it feels like it’s burning, everything always burns. it’s not the burn he felt before, because that was bad. the man was bad. elwood isn’t – not to him. when he’s set down on the bathroom counter, he stops the other from moving away. his hand cups the boy’s cheeks and he just stares, letting his gaze flicker over his features. his thumb brushes over elwood’s bottom lip and he just dares to do it for a moment, but doesn’t. he could need that, but he doesn’t. his head is swimming and he shakes it before gently pushing at elwood’s shoulders. “i shouldn’t be here. y’don’t want me here. i ruin everything i touch and i shouldn’t touch you, i shouldn’t want…to touch you. i shouldn’t need to touch you, but everything hurts and i can’t breathe. i want to be able to breathe again…” caspar’s voice his rough, the man was too rough. he trembles and almost falls forward, but elwood catches him and he can feel his lips below his ear, whispering that it’s okay to need someone even if they don’t need him back. except elwood does need him.

iv.

there’s a quiet giggle that escapes his bruised lips. it’s a quiet, genuine noise, and he watches elwood’s smile widen when it happens. his face seems to fall, though, when a man steps up beside caspar. he’s dressed to the nine’s in a beautiful suit – he’s not homely – he’s beautiful. a regular, but one that leaves the darkest bruises inside and out ; that’s how it usually works. when caspar looks at him, his eyes are suddenly empty. he doesn’t say a word, but he pushes himself to his feet and the man is already walking to his car. there’s a smug swagger in his walk and when caspar doesn’t even look back to elwood as he follows, he knows the younger male had never desired help more than he did then and there.

v.

caspar watches as elwood’s knee bounces over and over and over. he’s counted up to a hundred by now. when elwood’s name is suddenly called, caspar sees the desperation cross his features and it almost makes the boy want to grab his hand and run, forget they even talked about this. when elwood stands up and just stares at the nurse, her features are soft and inviting. caspar is at his side and laces his long fingers with the other male’s and leads him through the doorway because he needed him to do that. they were both terrified and even if elwood doesn’t go through with it – he knows he tried and he still needs caspar, but it’s okay. that’s okay, because it’s okay to need someone, especially if they need you back.