Drunk/Drinking Starters

❝I do not get drunk-- I get awesome.❞

❝I didn't fall... the floor just needed a hug. ❞

❝Wanna know what rhymes with drunk? Sex. ❞

❝Nothing tastes as good as drunk feels.❞

❝I've had... eleventy twelve beers.❞

❝I've been cheating on you with a guy named Morgan. He's a captain.❞

❝I'm not as drunk as I use to was.❞

❝Halloween? More like Hallowe-’re getting fucked up.❞

❝What do you expect me to do- I'm drunk!❞

❝But then I remember that alcohol existed.❞

❝It’s not called slurring your words. It’s called talking in cursive and it’s fucking elegant.❞

❝I’m totally walking straight, but this damn Earth is drunk!❞

❝If you can’t suck a cigarette, you sure as hell can’t suck a dick!❞

❝I wanna bae you up.❞

❝You're so drunk when I'm pretty.❞

❝It's 10;30 and I'm already fucking wasted…❞

❝I'm almost sober...❞

❝We are best friends now. Yeah c'mere, let's get drunk again.❞

❝Why do people wear boxers? They’re just like small pants.❞

❝I am currently dating a tall bottle of Jack Daniels.❞

❝I’m in Pirates of the Caribbean right now..❞

❝Take me drunk I’m home.❞

❝Let’s go dress up like Batman and Robin and patrol the neighborhood.❞

❝Your kitchen is so far away. Who designed this shit?❞

❝Your cat... has it always had a German accent?❞